All the glory, gory gush & hushhush of being a woman.

Written by Laura Fisher (19/02/2018)

So as most of you know, I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant with a BABY GIRL! This pregnancy has been completely and utterly different to my others! I have been pregnant 4 times (one of those I thought I was but never had the positive test) 2 angel babies, Ethan, and puku Bub 

Before Ethan, I was working down in the Hutt on a 2 month secondment. I was staying with family friends, my old childhood babysitter. I said “I think I’m pregnant!! I feel sick, I keep peeing and my boobs are itchy!” All the signs! She rushed to the chemist after work for me and got some tests. All 3 done and nothing! My mind was at ease, but I was wondering what was wrong! My periods had always been up the wack. This may have been the huge amounts of contraception I had tried from the young age of 15.

Anyway, I carried on my way & went to a friends 21st on the weekend. I got smashed. Like on the ground comatose. Absolute mess!! The next day I bounced back (no hangovers when you’re under 25) but all of a sudden BOOM PERIOD! This wasn’t a normal one either, but I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Fast forward a few months and I’m back home in Tauranga. Hamish and I decided that I would look for a job transfer and to move in with him. I had an interview and got the job straight away! I said to my work colleagues “I’m gunna kick arse in Cambridge, baby!” And the boss said, “don’t go getting pregnant!”

She knew that whenever Hamish had I saw each other, it was loved up weekends. The joys of living an hour away from each other!

I went home that day and thought, my boobs are bloody sore! Off I went to get some tests!

The next morning; 5am FUCK ME SIDEWAYS IM PREGNANT! I tried to ring Hamish, my Mum. No one answered! So I rang my boss! I cried and cried! I was on the mini pill! How the heck did this happen! I tell ya how it happened! It happened because this forgetful bish took a pill 2 hours late one day and bam the womb was full! Hamish FINALLY answered his phone and his response was “oh yeah cool!” Are you kidding me? IM 20 YEARS OLD. IM UNMARRIED. IM ABOUT TO MOVE TO A NEW TOWN, NEW JOB wtf?!?!?

Anywho, ya know the drill. Popped that lil thang outta my foof and all was good to go! The ol gal bounced back pretty quickly (I thought) until 10 months later.

“Hey babe, can you look at my fanny for me? I think somethings wrong?”

H: “ahhh yeah you might wanna go to the doctor about that!” Cue me crying and sitting in front of a mirror with my legs open staring at this monstrosity of a vagina.

I had a prolapse.

In medicine, prolapse is a condition where organs fall down or slip out of place. It is used for organs protruding through the vagina or the rectum(from wiki)

(Picture from google)

My doctor explained, it was where my vaginal walls had slipped a little. She said it was a very minor prolapse and I should be able to get it back with pelvic muscle exercises.

I literally thought that my world was falling down around me! Literally! My fanny was falling out!!! I felt like I was ruined. I even started looking up the prices for a designer vagina! Hamish was so supportive about it and he said he loves me for me!

I wasn’t a hole for his deeeeck thank goodness!

I started using Ben wa balls! 2 small weighted balls that I shoved up there and held in! I started out just using them on the bed and as I became more comfortable, I started doing everyday chores with them in there! Vacuuming was always the hardest! I would go to move something, forget to squeeze, and “Tink tink- the balls have dropped into me knickers!” I never wore them out in public because all I could think was that I would be in the supermarket or something & one would fall out and I would be chasing this fecking thing because I didn’t wanna loose a $42 fanny ball!! 

When I first used them, I couldn’t get them out! I panicked and I went tighter than a nun! They wouldn’t come out because I was so nervous! As soon as I relaxed and pushed a wee bit, out they popped! They truely did help me to get my walls back up!

Now the reason why I’m writing about this is because I’ve noticed that, this pregnancy I’ll have a nice hot shower, put on some clean sexy undies (joys of no period, and hoping the undies will get me some lovin’) I hop in bed. sneeeeze & pssshhhh I piss my fucking self! My pelvic muscles are weakening again!

I feel like this isn’t spoken about enough, or is an imperative point made, while we are pregnant! There is this massive weight pushing down & we forget to exercise it! We are too wound up on gaining weight & stretch marks, that we don’t think about things that can cause a more long term and self conscious problem!

I’m writing this and letting out my story in the hope that, there may be someone else that is worried about what’s happening to their lady bits & doesn’t know what to do! Or just to remind us all to do our pelvic floor! To teach our daughters at puberty or even younger about this important muscle!

A great thing about being pregnant is no period! Before I was pregnant I started using a menstrual cup & hands down rave about it now! I’m also looking into reusable panty liners for this hideous case of pissing myself every 5 mins! So if anyone has any great suggestions, please lemme know!

I now know to put on granny panties at bed time, accompanied with “mummy’s nappy” as Ethan likes to call it! 

Don’t hide your problems! If you’re truely worried about something, consult your GP. If you need someone to chat with, I’m here & as you can already tell, I’m bloody honest!

Remember, Love yourself & love your vagina 




Update (03/04/2018)

Laura is now 30 weeks pregnant and counting down until she gets to meet her precious baby girl.


Copied with permission from Laura's blog Living Life With Laura Fisher

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